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"Towards" or "away from"?

How about if we formulated what we want?

In the context of coaching, it is always about formulating a goal. At the beginning of a coaching process and then again in every session. No mission without a goal. Without a goal, a session is a well-paid conversation. That can be nice too. It just doesn't lead to too much.

The formulation of goals is also a kind of process, because we can usually say very precisely what we don't want. We want the other person to stop doing this or that. Or that we don't do the same thing over and over again. Or suffer from something. It is very easy to identify the things in the existing that make life difficult/harder for us.


But - what do we want instead? Don't want to make the same mistake over and over again? Would you rather make a different mistake? Or just the same error again? What if the error changes a bit? Is that enough?

You notice that when we deal with the "away from" we concentrate primarily on what we no longer want. And everything revolves around that.

Take a walk with one two-year-old after one

Rain shower. And a puddle. You walk along the path together and there it is, the puddle. The child goes towards it purposefully. What are you doing? The child has no rubber boots and no mud pants. You also (quite exceptionally, of course) do not have a change of clothes with you. What are you doing?

"Don't go in the puddle!"

However, the child only hears "puddle" because our brain is designed in such a way that it does not really perceive negations, but instead hides them. So the child hears "puddle" and it's in. It's hopped. not gone So he hasn't even done anything wrong. At least that would explain it to us if it was already in the teenage

age would be. "How so? You ONLY told me not to GO IN. But I put myself in. THAT was not forbidden.”

And that's true. When we are "away from", we don't see what we actually want, but focus on the "problem". And keep an eye on it all the time.

How about "Don't think of a pink elephant?" It's already on your mind. Whether small, large, comic or real - it's there.

"I want it to stop raining." What do you have in mind? The rain. And the weather has options of hurricane, snow, fog, sun and so much more.

Ask yourself: What do I actually want instead?

And you've already raised your eyes and said to your thoughts "Walk around the puddle." "Run across the meadow." "Come to me by my hand." splashes!“. You are back in the space of possibility.

That sounds easier than it is. Because we know the “away from” well. Down to the smallest detail. We can talk about it for hours and empathize with every emotion we've ever felt in it.

The "towards" is new. And if it were easy, we would have entered it long ago, right? If it were possible, we would have been there by now!

There is so much in “towards”. possibilities, yes. Only... that would also mean that we "have to" act. Then we can act. And again… if it were that easy, we would have done it a long time ago.

So let's take a look together.

  • What do you no longer want?

  • What would you like instead?

  • What has stopped you from doing so so far?

  • What would it be good for to do/achieve?

  • Who else could it be good for besides you?

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